Bullshit.

So if you read the first post that I put up I want to apologize. I couldn't sleep last night, of course, and I was laying up thinking about this blog and it's purpose and realized that if I post bullshit then this thing is useless. I need to be as honest as possible with myself and also with you so here it is: yes, I do have a great setup with a happy little family that I adore, but there is a catch: I'm an alcoholic. That's it. That's the truth. No bullshit. Why do I want to quite drinking...well, I'm tired of coming home dying for a drink and quickly slipping into a hole where I just want more, ignoring my wife and children, sitting on the porch for hours drunk dialing friends while my children grow up without me there. I am tired of waking up disoriented and dizzy and hoping I don't shit blood when I sit down for the morning ritual. I am tired of ignoring the chores that need to be done around my house and waking up to what resembles a college party. Most of all, though, I am tired of this guilt. This knowledge that someday in the relatively near future my children will not have a father and the reality that I had this knowledge from the beginning and could have done something about it if only I had not been so self indulgent. I'm tired of carrying on this family tradition. Fifteen years is long enough. Enough deep buzzes and perpetual hangovers. Enough empty cans and bottles. Enough drinking and enough of the bullshit that enables me to allow myself to continue it. OK?

Hello and Welcome...

OK, here it is, the end of day one. Day one? Yes, day one. The first full day not drinking. It's not at all that this is the first time I have declared that I'm kicking the booze. Alas, this is actually the fourth time in my 15 year drinking career. I am starting this blog, however, as a way to not only journal about my new sobriety, but also as a way to hold myself accountable and be held accountable and encouraged by you the reader. So here it is, the end of the day. I am typing on this computer that I bought off of a nice gentleman on Craigslist for the sole purpose of writing this blog. My wife calls that computer "retro" and I guess that perhaps it is, but I like it. Large and heavy, it seems more real than the tablets so many people use these days. I want to feel the weight of the laptop bag as I haul it into a coffee shop and add more weight to it with my words.
        Anyway, a little about me: I am approaching middle age with a rewarding job. I have a wife and two little boys. We have a small, but cozy home in a "transitional" neighborhood, meaning that a decade ago this was a relatively dangerous place to be, but with the influx of a more diverse populace (especially by those that have a more stable financial footing) the place has turned into a somewhat desirable part of a pretty hip city. Anyway, you may wonder, with this wonderful little life that I have setup, why am I kicking the booze. Well, I have many reasons; better health, tired of hangovers, want to be in better shape, want to save money and all of these are true, but the real reason is that the bottle has been keeping me from being the best person I can be for far too long. The best husband, the best father, the best me. So here I go on this journey of sobriety. Join me?